“Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie.” (Robert Ebert)
Do you agree or disagree?
We can’t take our emotions for granted. They govern our behavior, even when we don’t realize it. Immature families, especially when under stress, communicate that feelings are wrong. Family members react to each other. The overriding message is, “You shouldn’t feel what you’re feeling.” (Dr. Randy Reynolds, child psychologist)
I hear ya! Emotions—especially strong ones—intensify and magnify issues. Emotions finger point—”It’s your fault, not mine!” Emotions=the ego, one upsmanship (feel free to disagree).
“Emotions, however, when handled appropriately, can promote positive change.” (Dr. Reynolds)
Really? How?
- Empathize. Validate your child’s feelings but stand firm on your decision: “It sounds like you’re frustrated because I won’t let you wear jeans today. I know that’s hard for you, but I’m not going to change my mind.”
- Discipline, don’t punish. Discipline is patient and goal-oriented; punishment is motivated by anger or reactivity.
What else?
- Affirm, acknowledge, respect, create a sense of belonging, and appreciate each other. Full emotional tanks give members room to express themselves. Relax. Enjoy simple pleasures.
- As families mature, they shame each other less and respond to each other more. They listen to others without reacting. They assert without antagonizing. They set realistic expectations. Families know they’re interdependent on others. They flex with the normal stresses of life.
“Learn to own your feelings. Don’t blame others when you communicate. Begin sentences with ‘I’ messages, not ‘you’ . . . ’I feel . . . when . . .’“
Empathize, affirm, discipline, “I” messages—Thanks Dr. Reynolds!
No comments:
Post a Comment